This is What it's Like Inside My Brain

Because sometimes, you just need a picture of a half-ninja/half-doctor jumping from an explosion with his young, mustached, bandito companion …

(Courtesy of DrMcNinja.com. Check it out, won't you?)

Thank you, Chris Hastings! I needed that.

Until next time,
The Jim

Fun! Fun! Fun!

I have not been in the mood to write lately, as I’m having a terrible week. First of all, last week I was unloading some stuff from my car, so I had the doors unlocked in my driveway. I was making a couple of trips, so it was probably unlocked and open for 8 minutes tops. Within that period, some punk ran off with $500 worth of electronics. The two biggest items were my GPS unit (which my company owns) and my video iPod (which is all me). I put the car in the garage, locked it up, and didn’t discover the theft until the next morning.

This was a capper for a continuously growing dissatisfaction with my neighborhood. When we moved in, this place was supposed to be some great, fabulous neighborhood that was well managed and should be a place you wanted to be. (I guess that’s why I pay more in annual homeowner’s dues than my monthly mortgage at my last house.) Since we’ve moved in, however, I’ve discovered that “fancy neighborhood” rhetoric was worthless. We’ve got trashy neighbors all over the place, and turns out that at least three (3) of the houses are rental properties on just my one block of street.

Now, I don’t mind living in a rental neighborhood. That’s where I lived back in Louisiana, and I had zero problems with it. I shouldn’t, however, be paying an exorbitant amount for the honor of living in that rental neighborhood. Cap that off with the fact that even though the homeowner’s association has TWO MILLION DOLLARS in the bank (above and beyond their capital and operating expenses, which is another $5 million), and it’s a bit much. It gets even better, though … last week, I also got a bill for another $120 homeowner’s fee, which is apparently a one-time fee for all new home purchasers.

I’m also fully aware that there’s no reason to think that someone from the rental houses stole my stuff. All I know is, this is EXACTLY the kind of think I was afraid would happen when I found out about this situation.

And I won’t even get into the crap I’ve had to deal with from their “enforcement” people as I’ve tried to fix up my yard. (I’ll tell that story some other time.) I’ve never lived in a place with a mandatory homeowners group, but I’ll certainly pay a whole lot more attention to it from here on in. I just can’t wait until the wife gets out of school so we can afford to move!

The people with the car insurance won’t cover anything, but they did suggest I file a police report. I didn’t bother originally, because they’ll never track that stuff down - we all know that. Anyway, I call the police this morning, and they send a pair of cops over. One of them was pretty much a prick to me the whole time. He asked me to repeat the story multiple times just to look for inconsistencies. He quite gruffly instructed me to take my hands out of my pockets while talking to him. He pretty much ragged on me for not reporting it sooner, and then after we’re done, he tells me I should report something like that immediately after it happens next time. Of course! Why wouldn’t I want to deal with a condescending, unpleasant SOB again and again?

But that little bit of pleasantness isn’t all of my joy. We moved into our little suburb essentially so I could be close to work. Now I’m being told that we might move our office into Dallas proper, even though we’ve only been in our current location SEVEN MONTHS. So, instead of being 15 minutes from work, I’ll get to spend 2 hours on the road each day getting back and forth to work. I understand moving offices, but moving offices three cities away?

My college football team is not just awful – they may be historically awful. And this was a team that lost a game 77 – 0 within the past 5 years, so that’s saying a lot! Also, my Cowboys apparently forgot that you’re allowed to run the football in the NFL, and completely laid an egg against the ‘Skins.

Want to talk about frustrating? I went ahead and signed up for Weight Watchers online, and have been sticking to it religiously for 1 month. In that time, I’ve managed to gain 1.5 pounds. That’s money well spent, isn’t it?

My wife’s stressed out about school. I’m stressed out because we’re lucky to break even financially each month, but that’s only because we’re borrowing a ton of money for her student loans. And neither one of us handles stress well.

I’m fully aware there are about 4 billion people who have things far worse than me. In the final analysis, I’m complaining about the minor details of my relatively cushy life. Regardless of that reality, though, there’s only so much discussion about TV shows and comic books one wants to have during a week like that. And since I could total up all my readers on 1 hand (even if I was missing a thumb), there wasn’t a whole lot of motivation to put out a post.

But, fear not gentle reader! I plan to hit it hard this week. I’m going to try 3 posts a week this week ... maybe more! Truly, I shall be the Phoenix, rising up from the dookie! (or something like that)

Until next time,
The Jim

TV Time: The Fringe Premiere

Well, I've determined that I'm a big, fat liar! There's no way I can do a post-a-day for 14 days, unless I do 8 over a weekend. And it's not just finding the time to do it ... it's having something to say. Do you realize how boring I am? I'm lucky if I have one good story a week. Moreover, the stupid website provider is on the fritz – again! This is the 4th time I've written this stupid post - and it's not even that good.

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So last week I watched the first episode of Fringe, which has been sitting on the DVR for a while. First of all, I think J. J. Abrams is great. I love Lost, and I was a big fan of Alias before it kinda crapped out at the end. Anyway, I figured I'd at least give his new show a try. I’m not going to spoil it for any of my 3 readers who may not have seen it yet, but I thought I’d provide my thoughts.

As the show opens, we’re on a German airliner as it’s going through a massive thunderstorm. Everything’s all tense, and then everyone on board has their face melt off. (Yeah, I know – pleasant way to start up a series). So the plane lands on autopilot in Boston, and in comes our intrepid hero, Olivia Dunham. She’s an FBI agent on some unnamed special task force, and she also serves as a liaison with Homeland Security, or some such babble. True, it’s not as exciting a job as working at Credit Dauphine, but what are you gonna do?

Not to go off on too much of a tangent, but it came to my attention that of the 4 really successful shows Abrams has developed, 3 of them (including Felicity) have central female characters. And given how much Jack whines on Lost, he’s pretty much a woman too! Ha Ha! Am I right, fellas? (Ah - nothing's more fun than 1950's humor!)

Anyway, as the task force is investigating the creepiness, a random, phoned-in lead comes in. As Agent Liv is pretty low on the totem pole, she gets sent to investigate along with another agent, who also happens to be her Secret Lover. Of course, since this is TV, the random tip happens to lead to something pretty big, and Agent Loverboy gets hurt in an explosion which also exposes him to the same chemicals that caused all the face melting. Luckily, for some convoluted, made up reason, his symptoms are progressing slower. They may be able to save him … if they can find a remedy in time!

After our plucky Agent Cutie gets back to the office, she uses the FBI’s version of Google (Foogle? Fed-gle?) and after struggling through approximately 2 minutes of research, she manages to identify a scientist who may be able to help. He used to perform research on “fringe science” back in the day (nice of them to work the name of the show in there, huh?), but when an accident killed his lab assistant 17 years ago, they locked him up in the crazy house.

Now, for an even more convoluted reason, only a blood relative can authorize a visit to Dr. Nutball (who is played by the crazy dude from Return of the King who tried to burn up his son – apparently he plays crazy well). Luckily, our intrepid heroine manages to track down his son (played by the Other Guy from Dawson’s Creek), and blackmails him to help her with this. Dawson’s Creek Dude is supposed to be some edgy, super-genius who also reluctantly helps with the investigation.

As the show goes on, Agent Not-Sidney-Bristow is told by her boss that there has been a series of weird, hard-to-explain occurrences they call “The Pattern,” and this weirdness may be part of some larger, “fringe science” plot? Of course, there also appears to be a quasi-evil corporation that may be involved. (And just like with Oceanic Airlines and the Dharma Initiative, Abrams managed to put a fake commercial for the company on the air (always a cool touch).


As this episode goes on, they work on saving Liv’s Secret Lover using weirdness (there's a cow involved). At the end, it appears Agent Cutie-Pie, Dr. Insane-o, and The Dawson Guy are going to team up in subsequent episodes to solve different problems involving extreme weirdness. I guess they’re like the A-Team, only without B. A. Baracus, which is about the worst form of the A-Team imaginable.


What did I think? Well, after watching it, I went ahead and set the DVR to record the show – so I obviously enjoyed it. It wasn’t the greatest show ever, and as it stands, it certainly hasn’t moved ahead of Heroes, Lost, or 24 in my viewing rotation. It’s not even all that original, as it’s really a mash-up of X-Files (FBI team, which includes female hottie, investigates paranormal), Alias (female agent involved in conspiracies and paranormal badness), and even some Lost (weirdness and potentially evil corporation). Unlike most of Abrams’s series, I don’t think you’ll have to watch every single one to catch it all; rather, it feels like the episodes will be pretty much stand-alone (at least for a while). I have to admit, though, it shows promise, and I think I would be stupid not to at least stick with it for the first few episodes at least. I mean, the guy gave me Milo Rambaldi and The Smoke Monster - he's going to have something interesting up his sleeve.

Well, that’s all I’ve got. The Heroes premiere is waiting downstairs for me on the DVR, so I’m about to go dig into that thing. Aw yeah, baby!

Until next time,
The Jim

What was I Thinking?

Even though I usually struggle for blog topics, sometimes ideas for future posts spring up on me. Usually, they aren't fully formed thoughts; rather, they're little nuggets of ideas. When that happens, I'll either make a note, or start a draft post to be completed later. Right now, I've got roughly 6 partial posts sitting on the server waiting for me to get off my butt and turn them into cogent thoughts. (Aren't you anxious for that to happen?) Anyway, I only mention this to elucidate the following:

Roughly 10 minutes ago, I was going through my desk drawer in my office, putting something in there to file it away. On top of a stack of scratch paper, I found a ridiculous hand-drawn sketch I made. I remember making it, but for the life of me, I can't remember why. Nor can I recall what potential topic I thought this sketch would perfectly illustrate.

So, without further ado, I present to you ...

MY CERTIFIED MAN CARD

I don't know why I thought this was funny. I don't know where I was going with it. And to look at it now, it's just stupid (and more than a little sad). But more importantly than all that, I just can't help but wonder what kind of insane idea THAT was leading towards.

I guess the world will never know (and we're probably better for it).

Until next time,
The Jim

Nothing but Peace and Tranquility

As I’ve mentioned multiple times, my current job is a small satellite office here in the Dallas area. The company’s headquarters is back in northwest Louisiana. Back at the home office, they have their own relatively new building, and every engineer has his own office. Over here, I’m stuck in a single room on the first floor of a bank building. Did I mention it’s only 300 sf? Did I mention we’re across the hall from an employment agency, so I get endless interruptions from loud conglomerations of people outside? Oh, and did I mention I share the room with someone else?

On our best day over here, the office is uncomfortable. Now they’re renovating the building. Wait, let me correct that … they’re renovating 95% of the building. Our little closet is one of the rooms they won’t fix up. So, instead of being temporarily relocated to another office while all of this is going on, we get to stay in this hovel while a non-stop cacophony of hammers, saws, and other peaceful tunes goes on and on.

If you need to go to the bathroom, time to hit the elevator. If you need to be on the phone, better hope the electrician isn’t in here trying to get the wiring straight EVEN THOUGH IT’S COMPLETELY OBVIOUS I’M TRYING TO MAKE A CALL AND HE DOESN’T NEED TO YELL.

I only bring this up just to let you know that, unless you work in a war zone or a toxic waste dump, your work environment is definitely better than mine.

I win! Yay for me!

Until next time,
The Jim

Jim's Old Ass Reviews: Heat

Well, my week of tecnical training is finally done. As promised, I'm trying to force myself to be consistent with the writing, so I'll be doing a post-a-day for the next 14 days.

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I thought I'd start this off with something I'll call Jim's Old Ass Reviews. Every now and then, a movie or TV program comes along that you just don't get a chance to see. You keep saying you'll go to the theater, or rent the DVD, but it doesn't get around to happening. For me, Heat was one of those movies. Yes, THAT Heat .. a thirteen-year-old movie that has Pacino, De Niro, and Val Kilmer (what was I waiting on?). Well, I finally got around to watching it last week, and considering all the hype about the new De Niro-Pacino project, I thought it was appropriate to take a look. Join me, won't you?

Heat, as you may recall, is Michael Mann's epic crime story following both a police detective with an unhealthy dedication to the job (Pacino) and an efficient criminal gang with a calculating leader (De Niro). The movie starts with an armored car robbery that ends with 3 dead guards. We then follow the cops and crooks as they go from caper to caper until the film culminates in a showdown during a bank robbery.

So, what did I think? First of all, when I called it an "epic", I wasn't kidding. This movie goes on and on and on. There are multiple storylines that are inserted for no apparent reason. True, you could say the storylines about Pacino's stepdaughter (played by Queen Amidala) or Kilmer's wife (played by Ashley Judd) served to provide character development, but what's the deal with Dennis Haysbert's character? The future President Palmer shows up as an ex-con cook in a diner, and then doesn't make an appearance until the very end as a last minute get-away driver. It was like they realized they needed another character at the end, so they just crammed in sombody else.

Pacino was INSANE! I know, I know ... he's always insane, but he really played it up this time. My favorite, most off-the-wall part, is the scene below:

De Niro, as you might guess, is a little more nuanced ... and by that, I mean he isn't yelling and going bug-eyed every 5 seconds. His character is supposed to have some sort of Thief's Code about not taking chances or something like that (I'm not sure what the message was there). He's a relatively interesting character who also manages to hook up with the actress from Judging Amy, so he's got that going for him.

As you might imagine, the action is well done. Say what you will about Michael Mann, but he does action with realism and tension that really works. Unfortunately, he needs an extra 3 hours of movie to set up his 20 minutes of action.

In the final analysis, I think Heat is good - maybe even really good. I just wouldn't put it on that "great" stratum. It feels more like Mann was still thinking like he was writing for TV, where multiple storylines had to be going at all times. To me, the better De Niro film noir crime epic is Ronin, and Pacino is a far less ridiculous cop in Insomnia.

Until next time,
The Jim

I Lost Track of How Often I Yawned!

For the first half of this week, I'm at technical training for work, and therefore am unable to post anything during the day. When I get back into the office, I vow to have another post-a-day stretch for a full fortnight.

Lest you think it's a thrill-a-minute over here, allow me to present an artist's depiction of my day today:

(Click above to behold the wonder.)

Hey, kids ... come catch the EXCITEMENT of engineering!

Until next time,
The Jim

A Complete Waste of Time

I am happy to report that I’ve completed the first round of site upgrades. As you’ll notice, there was practically zero change, making it well worth it!

I’m hoping I’ll now be able to be a little more creative with the posts, instead of the cookie-cutter options I previously had.

The bigger deal, however, is the subscription list is up and running. Click on the link in the top right corner, and input your e-mail. Once you’re part of the Grand Old Pollution Machine Party, you’ll get an e-mail on the rare occasions I post something.

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Given my own attempts to fix up my site, I decided to do a search for web sites even worse than my own. Here are some of my favorites:

Ø Havenworks: Words escape me. I think it may be a news site, but it’s more like staring into the face of MADNESS!

Ø Virginia Driver Improvement Program: I think navigating this one is Virginia’s sobriety test.

Ø Fred Frap & His Imaginary Friends: Looking for a groovy musician in Florida? Then check out Fred. Apparently he’s accompanied by “acoustic guitar and his inner light.” (The inner light is apparently a giant, rectangular rainbow.)

Ø Alternative Transport Services: What’s freaking brilliant about this one is that they have a bad design, and then repeat it about 50 times down the length of the page.

Ø Scorpion Power Boats!: Scorpion Power Boats! SCORPION! POWER! BOATS!

Ø Truthism.com: Why is it that all internet kooks also create bizarrely bad web sites? You’d think at least one of them would have a talent for graphic design.

(Most of the above were located through Web Pages That Suck.)

Until next time,
The Jim