What about Beige Saturday or Off-White Tuesday?

My wife and I decided to go out to do the Black Friday shopping. It’s not something I’ve ever done before, but I decided to go with it because:

1. We’re pretty broke, so any type of crazy savings are welcome;


2. She has a limited amount of time available for shopping due to school, so it was ideal to do this when she had a vacation; and


3. Our current schedules prevent us from spending much time together, so it was a chance for us to hang out.

We didn’t do anything crazy like get over to the mall at 1 AM or steal toys from someone else's cart. We just got up early, grabbed some breakfast, and then headed out to a mall near here.

My reaction to my first Black Friday shopping experience - IT SUCKS!! People are freaking insane when it comes to this stuff. Not only is every store crowded with rude, mindless people, but half of the places looked like they were looted in advance of a nuclear strike. Why do we have a run on toaster ovens or purses when you could have gotten the same stuff last week … or even 4 months ago? Are you telling me that these people not only just realized that we were actually holding Christmas this year, but also that Little Timmy just had to have that Tonka Truck or the entire reason for his existence would be called into question?

Check out this story from New York. Roughly 2,000 or so idiots had camped outside a Wal-Mart, and just had to get inside to get whatever craptastic gift they wanted. So, they did what any intelligent mob would do – they surged forward when the store opened at 5 AM and TRAMPLED THE WAL-MART GREETER TO DEATH. Two people were killed and others injured, included a pregnant woman. The force of the surge was so great that they knocked the doors off the hinges. Security cameras showed these lovely citizens as they would see the man lying on the floor, step right over him, and then run off to get the goods.

Now it’s easy to make a joke about New Yorkers or typical Wal-Mart patrons, but let’s be honest – are we shocked by this? Sure, it’s awful and outrageous, but that story could happen every freaking year, and no one would really be all that surprised. But more to the point – Wal-Mart? Really? I can understand if there was a special free give away at Bob’s Strip Club and Cure for Cancer Emporium, but this was Wal-Mart. Everything’s already cheap there, and it’s not like they’ve got wall-to-wall luxury items. Is it really worth some guy’s life to get a $2 discount on an off-brand blender?

Or how about this story from California? Apparently check-out at a Toys-R-Us ended in an insane gun battle which left 2 guys dead. The authorities stated this had nothing to do with the post-Thanksgiving shopping, but how does that make things better? People are now going into a TOY STORE with loaded weapons? Even if this shooting wasn’t Black Friday related, the next one surely will be.

Of course, it is nice that these guys remembered the true meaning of Christmas, when little baby Jesus demanded that everyone buy the best toy and kill all others in your way. It’s a beautiful story, when you think about it.

Why is Black Friday such a big deal? There are 365 days in a year – are we such mindless cattle that we only know to shop for Christmas gifts when the news reports tell us to do so? It seems to me you have to be a pretty crappy retailer if you depend on 1 day in late November to make sure you're profitable for the year. I just don’t get it, and I just don’t get the insane shoppers that are so absorbed in it.

All that said, though, I’m sure I’ll be right back out there next year. My wife refuses to shop online, and she loves to go out and make a day or two of Christmas shopping. We get to hang out, and that’s always good. I guess as long as I’m never camping out at 2 AM or fighting some woman over the last Street Fighter Barbie, I can live with annoying crowds once or twice a year.

Then again, Street Fighter Barbie does sound pretty awesome. Maybe it’d be worth it to punch some woman in the eye.


Until next time,
The Jim