Soon to be the Next National Holiday!

Today is my birthday. As anyone who knows me can tell you, I have a tendency to either be childlike or maudlin. When I was 6, I was all about birthdays, as it meant I would be lavished with toys and cake. Now, however, I rarely receive toys, and as an adult, I'm quite capable of purchasing cake whenever I so desire. This reality takes a lot of the exuberance out of the event.

I typically get introspective around birthdays. The age of 35 seems to be an odd one these days. I'm still at what I consider to be an entry-level position - as are many of my peers. For some reason, though, I tend to think I should have gotten a little bit further in my career by this point. What can I say? I tend to be pretty hard on myself.

On a personal front, things aren't perfect, but I guess they're better than they have been. I finally managed to get married a couple of years ago after going through a couple of decades of abject solitude. (Then again, are we surprised this guy had trouble getting dates?) Really, though, I should be grateful. If things hadn't happened the way they did, I probably wouldn't have met up with Mrs. The Jim, and I can't fathom anyone out there better suited to put up with my crap.

We don't have kids yet, which sometimes gets me down. I may have my math wrong, but I believe my mom and dad managed to have 4 kids before they hit 30. It'll happen, eventually. I just hate the idea of being the 85-year-old dad dropping off his kids at elementary school. (No, I don't tend to exaggerate. Whatever do you mean?) More than anything, I suppose I'm just anxious to have kids so that it's socially acceptable for me to have comic books, video games, and cartoons all over the house. (As it stands now, I probably get a couple of Man Points deducted.)

I'm not sure what The Wife has planned. She typically goes overboard on gifts, so I could end up with anything from a gold-plated Porsche to a giant, diamond-encrusted monogram. Really, I'd be happy with just going to dinner and hanging out with a couple of peeps. (Well, that & Rock Band 2.)

I'm sure that once a week or two has passed, I'll completely forget all about my birthday as I get wrapped back up in the everyday drudgery that we all have to battle.

Anyway, I'm not sure where all this was going ... seems more like random, stream-of-consciousness ramble than anything else. So, on that wacky note, here's a picture of a guy in a pig outfit running through the forest:


Until next time,
The Jim

Holiday Review Extravaganza Part II: The Craigslist Chronicles

During the holidays, my sister-in-law came to stay with us for a couple of weeks. While she was here, our disposal stopped working.

Please note that I have not, in fact, stated that she broke the disposal. Despite the fact that she has a long history of breaking or destroying my wife's things, apparently it is completely beyond the pale for me to imply or insinuate in any fashion that my sister-in-law was responsible.

She also didn't break a dish. That was the dog's fault. Or so I am obliged to believe.

Regardless, the disposal needed to be replaced. The thing was old and somewhat rusty, so I wasn't overly heartbroken about it. The big problem, of course, is that we're still pretty broke while Mrs. The Jim completes her edu-ma-cation.

I found a couple of models online at the standard locations (Lowes, Home Depot, etc.). Unfortunately, none of these stores were giving away free disposals. I then decided to broaden my search in an attempt to find a local store that sold those kind of appliances at a discount. I searched for "garbage disposals in Dallas", and I ended up finding a Craigslist entry.

Now I've never used Craigslist, but I was familiar with the concept. Essentially, it's just a giant, online classified ad site. Ads are grouped by areas, so that you can find out if anyone in Dallas has a Schwinn for sale, or if someone in Los Angeles is offering guitar lessons. We have some friends who have had some success with it in Philadelphia, but I've never tried to mess with it.

So, I find this listing titled GARBAGE DISPOSAL BAGER (5). Now, In-Sink-Erator's garbage disposal model is called a badger, not a bager (that should have tipped me off right there), but I followed along. The listing has since expired, so I'll just have to summarize:

BAGER (5), One @60 each, BUILDERS SPECIAL four or more @$40 each. Call John @ ###-###-####.

The listing included two pictures of the units in untouched, unopened boxes. Now, I didn't know if this guy was a contractor who was stuck with too much inventory, or if he was a guy who stole something from a store or job site. All I knew was that a disposal that normally retailed for about $110 to $120 (after taxes) was available for $60. Worst case scenario would be I'd get ripped off and have learned a valuable lesson.

The next day (my first day back at work), I decided to call the guy and get the thing. Below, Gentle Readers, is my play-by-play summary of that process:

Jan 6 (Tues) @ 3:45 PM: I contact John. He is in the middle of something and can not speak. He will call me first thing Wednesday morning.
Jan. 7 (first thing Wednesday morning): John doesn't call.
Jan. 7 @ 10:45 AM: I call John. He asks me where my office is located. He notes that he's driving around all day for work (lends credence to the contractor theory). He supposedly passes by my office multiple times daily. He will call me next time he comes by this area.
Jan. 7 @ 3:45 PM: John calls and asks when I leave work. I inform him that I leave at 5:30. He says he will stop at my office before then, and we can make the deal then; however, he may be a little later than 5:30. I inform him that I can stay at work late.
Jan. 7 @ 6:30 PM: No word from John. I call and get his voice mail. I inform him that I'm leaving, and that we'll just handle it on another day.
Jan. 7 @ 7:15 PM: John calls me back. He asks if I am Stephen (I have no idea where he got that name), and asks if I'm still by the office. I tell him I'm almost home, in the beautiful burg of McKinney. This is fortuitous, according to John, as he is currently in Frisco (roughly 30 minutes away). John has to wrap some things up, and then he will head down Highway 121 and meet me. He will call me when he starts that direction, and we'll find a place to meet.
Jan. 7 @ 7:35 PM: I am now a little leery of John, and have no desire to have him come to my house. Instead of going straight home, I head towards Frisco on Highway 121, and wait in a parking lot at the western edge of McKinney.
Jan. 7 @ 7:50 PM: John has not called. I call his number to no avail. I decide to head back home and wait for his phone call.
Jan. 8 (Thursday) @ 9:00 AM: John, after failing to call the previous night, gives me a call. He apologizes for the mix-up, and offers to take $10 off the price, now making the total cost $50! He will give me a call whenever he is in my area.
Jan. 8 @ 12 noon: My boss is in the office from the Corporate HQ, and has decided that all of us (three total) will go out to lunch. We all ride together.
Jan. 8 @ 12:15 PM: John calls and asks if I'm at the office right now. I inform him that I'm at lunch, and unable to get back to the office. John will call me back around 2:00 and we'll set something up.
Jan. 8 @ 2:00 PM: Nothing happens.
Jan. 8 @ 5:30 PM: Still nothing has happened. I go home.
Jan. 9 (Friday) @ 9:30 AM: I call John, and get his voicemail.
Jan. 9 @ 12 noon: John calls me back. I inform him that I will be out of the office for the rest of the day. (On Fridays, I only work until 11:30, as it's my half-day.) Since I am mobile, I can drive wherever and meet him. He asks me my current location, and I let him know I'm heading home to eat lunch with my wife. He tells me he is currently well south of me. He asks that I call him back whenever I get back in his area.
Jan. 9 @ 1:55 PM: I am roughly 5 minutes away from my office location, so I call John. He tells me he will call me back in 20 minutes, and we'll set something up.
Jan. 9 @ 2:40 PM: John has not called, so I call him back. He is at someone's house, and is trying to head out. He will call me in the next few minutes. (Bear in mind, he still does not comprehend that I can DRIVE TO WHEREVER HE IS.)
Jan. 9 @ 3:05 PM: I have gone to Wal-Mart to pick up some shaving cream and razors, which I was lacking. I have driven back to the parking lot of my office. At this point, I realize the Friday drive-home traffic will pick up shortly, and I will be stuck in a mess. I head back home, determined to never contact John again.
Jan. 9 (Sat.) @ 10:30 AM: I decide to bite the bullet and just go buy a disposal. Mrs. The Jim looks online, and Lowes is having a one-day sale. The exact disposal I was going to purchase from John is on sale for $80.

This, to me, is where the story has taken a Twilight Zone twist. I ended up getting a pretty good deal on the disposal, and with a much better model than I originally owned. If I had not gone through that week-long, crappy debacle, I would have just bought a disposal and never known about the sale. Without meaning to do so, John's incessant delays actually saved me money. Weird how things work, huh?

So, in summary ... Craigslist can really save you money ... even if the seller won't actually let you make the purchase. (Plus, I hear people hook up for Sexy Time on the site, too!) What a deal!

Until next time,
The Jim

I'll Take Potpourri for $200, Alex.

I had some comments on a few things I’ve seen recently, but I didn’t feel strongly enough to do a full fledged review. That being said, here’s a few Entertainment Quick Hits:

Item 1: Got a chance to see The Wrestler Sunday night. Brian (the Official NFL-Watching Partner of The Jim) called Mickey Rourke’s Randy the Ram “one of my favorite movie characters.” I thought that was a brilliant insight. The movie isn’t really plot driven – it’s a character study. The genius, though, is how complete that character is. After watching that movie, you feel like you truly know every nuance of that character. You know what makes him tick, his flaws, his back story, but it's not like they spell everything out for you. Truly impressive!

The violence in the film had me occasionally unsettled – probably because it was so realistic. (Rumor is a lot of the cuts and injuries ... especially on Rourke ... were, in fact, real. Yet another reason dude needs an Oscar.) And just a little tid-bit for the fellas (and non-traditional ladies) … Marisa Tomei plays a stripper in her 40’s, and she is smokin’ hot! Anyway, take my advice and check it out.

Item 2: Brian happens to work for a firm that gets free tickets to sporting events and concerts. This Friday, he managed to snag 2 tickets to AC/DC, and I got to tag along. Now, I’m not a giant AC/DC fan. In fact, the whole arena rock milieu isn’t really my thing … I think I got tired of that before I hit high school. That being said – they KICKED ASS!! I don’t know if it’s in my Top 5 concerts, but it certainly is in contention.

I was struck by three things. First of all, a great, professional band that works hard at putting on a good show can always blow you away ... even if you're somewhat ambivalent towards their music. Secondly, I would have to guess that the average age for that show was mid-30s, and there were plenty of fans who were 50+. It's funny to think that there will come a day when music by Nirvana, Wu Tang Clan, or Red Hot Chili Peppers will be considered "oldies" or "classic," but it'll eventually happen. I'm going to enjoy being a 70-year-old blaring "Straight Outta Compton" from my Towncar. Hopefully, I'll still find the irony of the situation amusing by then.

It also occurred to me that Angus Young is my father's age (Angus turns 54 in a couple of months). This guy ... in fact, ALL those guys ... have a non-stop motor. I can't imagine having that much energy now, much less when I'm in my mid-50's. Angus was in constant motion - and I'm sure those guys aren't exactly health nuts, either. That part just blew me away.

Item 3: I finally got around to watching Wild at Heart, and I can't say I was overly impressed. Now don't get me wrong ... I'm usually a big David Lynch fan. I like his weird stuff (Blue Velvet & Dune), his REALLY weird stuff (Mulholland Drive & Twin Peaks), and even his normal stuff (The Straight Story and The Elephant Man). I also like Nicholas Cage, for some unknown reason. He's ridiculous, insane, and overacts every given moment, but somehow he seems to make films better.

(As an aside, Mrs. The Jim once had a run-in with him at Mardi Gras, where she kept asking "Nicky Coppola" to hang out with her. True, it's not as cool as living next to the Junkyard Dog, but it's still a pretty nice brush with celebrity.)

Anyway, my point is that there's no reason this film shouldn't have worked, but it didn't really do anything for me. It felt like Lynch used bad overacting and odd dialogue in place of his typical obscure, surreal logic. Cage took his Elvis obsession to insane heights, and it gets really distracting. Throw in some Wizard of Oz references, and I guess you're supposed to have a movie. I wouldn't say that it was horrible, but it's definitely my least favorite Lynch film to date.

Until next time,
The Jim

The Jim's Holiday Review Extravaganza (Part I)

I've got quite a few items left over from the Christmas/New Year holiday period that I wanted to mention. If I wasn't remarkably lazy, I would have done this earlier. As we're well aware, however, I have a tendency to slack off.

My wife and I have known each other for roughly 2.75 years. During that time, the longest I have ever gone without shaving is 1.5 days. Really, the longest I had gone without shaving ever is somewhere around 5 or 6 days during some summers in high school.

This Christmas, between vacation time and an extended stretch where the office was closed, I was off between December 20 & January 6. I'm not sure why I thought it would be interesting, but as an experiment for Mrs. The Jim, I decided to refrain from shaving for that period.

During that last day, I photographed the shaving process, so as to document the many stages of The Jim's facial hair. I humbly present those findings below:

Phase I (aka The Hobo)
Phase II (aka Half-Amish/
Half-Grizzly-Adams)
Phase III (aka The Evil Jim)
Phase IV (aka The Relief Pitcher)
Phase V (aka The '70s Porn Star)
Phase VI (aka Generic Cop 'stache)
Phase VII (aka The Jim is Back!)Until next time,
The Jim

I'm Taking Over Your Internets, One Site at a Time!

So my main man Will, the Official Best Man of The Jim, asked me to write a guest column for his site. Seeing as he knows my embarassing secrets (yes, even more embarassing than these), I felt pressure to oblige.

Anyway, check me out over at Will Maranto's World. You'll have to forgive the formatting ... I assumed the HTML code for my site would translate to his, but it clearly did not. It ended up far more cluttered than I like. If I ever get asked to do another guest post, I'll have to fix that up.

Until next time,
The Jim

Almost as Good as The Fighting Okra

I was driving back from lunch today, and I passed the little junior college (Richland College) that's right by my office. I had some time to kill, and decided to drive onto campus to take a look at all the construction I've seen lately. The school and construction ended up being of no interest; however, I discovered something quite exciting!

Apparently, this juco has an athletic program. They didn't, however, want to be dull and call themselves the Tigers, Wildcats, Bulldogs, or any other repetitive moniker. So, they came up with perhaps one of the top 10 college mascots I've managed to uncover.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you ...
















The Richland College


Thunderduck!

What's a Thunderduck, you ask? Well, this site tries to boil it down for you. Two things of note:

1. The mascot's full, legal name is R. Möbius Thunderduck, which is likely the only mascot named after a German mathematician and theoretical astronomer; and


2. The site notes that the word "Thunder" can "be added to almost [any] part of speech to enhance or increase its worth". I didn't realize it before, but they are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!! I mean, tell me which is cooler:

Cats

or

Thundercats?

Fight on, proud Richland! Fight on!

Until next time,
The Jim

---

P.S. Stay tuned, as I'm planning a special cross-promotion, a reader contest, and my 2008 holiday in review. That's right, I'm gettin' wild in 2009, Sucka Dog!

It's the Ballinest E-mail You Can Get!

Sorry it's taken me so long to get into writing here in The Big Oh-Nine. I rarely take time off from work, so this year, I took a rather extended one. We traveled around to visit family all over, which ended up being a large distraction from my main duties as the Internet's Poet Laureate.

So, how did the holidays go? Well, I was lazy (more on this later), and I got a pretty good haul (later). You want the details now? Well tough!! As hard as it is for me to come up with topics, do you honestly think I'm going to blow it all on the first post of the year?

Anyway, all of this is moot, because I've got some GI-NORMOUS news for everyone ... I'M RICH, FOOLS! You see, a couple of days ago, I received the following e-mail:

Congratulations, New year Winner 2009!

The UK E-LOTTERY wishes to inform you that you have won £950,000.00,in an online Sweepstakes International program held in January,2009. To file for your claim, please contact fudiciary agent:Barrister Henry Preston. E-mail: barrhenrypreston@sbcglobal.net

Congratulations,
UK E-LOTTERY BOARD

NOTE:Ensure that you file your claim to barrhenrypreston@sbcglobal.net

Of course, anyone would be skeptical about an e-mail purporting to award tons of cash; however, please notice that this is from the UK E-LOTTERY, not some Nigerian prince trying to run a scam. I mean, this Henry Preston guy is a barrister ... he must be legitimate, right?

Needless to say, we're pretty excited at Casa del Jim. £950,000 is roughly $1.4 million, so that's a major windfall for us. Sure, the taxes will be rough, but I'm not going to complain about free money.


Now you may be asking why I - a random dude in North Texas - should win such an award. I certainly didn't enter any kind of sweepstakes, nor did I buy a lottery ticket. I did, however, go to the UK on my honeymoon over a year ago. Based on this fact, the only reasonable assumption to be made is that anyone who ever steps foot in the UK is automatically entered in this contest. Really, they should hype that up more on the travel brochures. That would be a huge selling point over those other countries.


I'm not sure how this prestigious organization got a hold of my e-mail address. I sincerely hope, however, it had something to do with MI-6, Q, and James Bond. And maybe that jetpack from Thunderball - that thing was awesome!

So I'm not sure how this impacts the lives of you, my faithful readers? I'm sure I'll quit my day job, so you'll lose the occasional stories about the exciting world of engineering. This will, however, free me up to write more frequently, which means more posts about a talking French gorilla in love with a disembodied mad scientist's brain! All in all, it's a win for everybody.

Until next time,
The Jim