An Idea That is Destined for Abject Failure!

As noted yesterday, The Remarkable Pollution Machine has now surpassed one year of existence. In that one year, we have ...

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... accomplished nothing! No regular schedule - no consistent theme - no real reason for existence (unless you count weekly displays of woeful poetry). So, I've decided to use this occasion to make some improvements, as well as attempt to drum up some interest.

The improvements are going to be pretty minor, at least to start. First of all, comments no longer require my approval before they're posted. I'm sure it's less entertaining to tell me I'm an idiot if you then must wait another 4 hours for me to aloow it.

Also, we're officially announcing the site's new e-mail address:

PollutionMachine [at] gmail [dot] com
(FYI, I listed the e-mail address that way so that automated SpyBots won't pick up the address and inundate me with crap. Just a little tip for the peeps out there.)

Please feel free to e-mail me with questions, comments, or ideas for future submissions. Between the comments and the site's e-mail, I want the public to feel involved here at The Machine. I mean, it's not just MY blog about random things that only interest me.

No, I like to think of this as OUR blog about random things that only interest me. Take some ownership, people!

I've also decided to maybe spruce up the site layout a bit ... maybe even change the logo. Of course, I'm a little torn - I don't know if I want to get rid of the two random old dudes (FYI - I've started calling them "Uncle Ed" and "Big Pete".)

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Now, in order to drum up readership, I've decided to borrow from a knowledgeable source: PBS! They've got the concept of begging down to a science, and I've determined the use a two-pronged assault: guilt trips and free stuff.

First of all, the guilt ...

I don't ask you people for much. You don't have to pay anything for this wisdom. Do you realize the torment and effort that goes in to every word? I didn't think so, you selfish bastards!

Listen, I'm fully willing to publicly humiliate myself on a regular basis, with full knowledge that this will come back and haunt me someday. All I ask is that you at least provide me with the illusion that someone is paying attention.

To that end, please make sure you've signed up for the Mailing List. (There's also a link at the top of the page.) It helps to ensure you always know when this Tome of Greatness gets updated, and it gives me some idea of who's out there. And for the security-conscious out there, the only person who has access to the list is The Jim. I don't even let Mrs. The Jim take a peak ... that's how much I value your privacy. So sign up, won't you?

But maybe you're more interested in free stuff? Well sit tight, Barbarino, because The Remarkable Pollution Machine is happy to announce:

THE FIRST ANNUAL CRAPPY ART-A-THON
That's right, folks. Every person who joins up on the mailing list will get a hand-crafted piece of custom artwork from yours truly!! Will it be a Certified Man Card, or a Blog Topic Flowchart? It's all up to you!

(A typical example of my fine work!)
Either send me an e-mail, or post a comment below, and tell me what you'd like to see. I'll use the topic, select a style of art, and roll with it. After I'm done, I'll get your address and mail to you - FREE OF CHARGE - your award-winning, original piece of crap!

Will I end up using glitter glue and macaroni to depict the Battle of Hastings? Will I use MS Paint and construction paper to depict the theme of ennui? Will I make a collage of butt cheeks? Who knows? But if you sign up now, that butt cheek collage could be yours!!

For those of you already on the list, don't worry ... you're already getting your art. If you've been hesitating to sign up, or if you know someone who would appreciate badly drawn doodles, than get thee to the Mailing List. The official cut-off date for the Crappy Art-A-Thon is July 4, so get moving.

Until next time,
The Jim